PTSD: The Invisible Enemy

a film about help and hope
Produced by Show N Tell Ministries in collaboration with Chuck Fishbein of Crazy Duck Productions, this documentary brings to light the stories of the men and women who fought, but are now forgotten. The ultimate goal of our project is to raise the community’s awareness and to give veterans and their families hope.

The 60-minute film, narrated by Tony Award-winning actor Joe Mantegna, examines the devastating effects of post-traumatic stress on veterans of the Global War on Terror.

More than 30,000 GWOT veterans have died by suicide — four times the number of U.S. service members killed in combat during the war. Vietnam veterans, now in their late 60s and older, are also experiencing a surge in suicides.

This project is made possible in part through a grant from North Carolina Humanities. See our Press Room for a complete list of contributors.

Intro

Here Are Their Stories...

Our Veterans Who Served

For those that served in the Global War on Terror, the experiences abroad were as different as those that they faced upon retiring from active duty.
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For many, they were forced to confront a new reality - one without the structure nor the support of their fellow soldiers.
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Hear stories of transitioning from military to civilian life, of dealing with hardship, despair, suicidal thoughts, addiction and recovery.

Brandon Touchon

U.S. Air Force Sr. Airman (ret)

Brandon Touchon

Looking at it from here, years away from my service, I realize that transition (from military service) was very difficult. I came to get comfortable with the rigidity of it and the schedule and the way things worked and the predictability of order and the reasons for a sense of urgency and the hurry up and wait. Like, the reasons for those things are there and they're real. And then civilian life, like, they want you to behave like that, but the stakes aren't anywhere near as high. So that was one thing that was very frustrating about the transition.
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When I was in the military, I felt like I was somebody and there was a reason and a purpose for what I was doing. And I belonged in a community that was working toward a goal together. And since I am no longer in the military, that stuff has to come from me.

Chip Watson

U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer (ret)

Chip Watson

When I first told my oldest daughter at the time for my first deployment, she was quite upset, and I needed to find the words to help explain why we do what we do. And one of the best things that came to mind, and I prayed on it a couple of days before telling her, is it's very difficult to tell a 10-year-old that you're going to Afghanistan. She knows what Afghanistan is. I just said, "hey, I have to go over so that another father can come home. And that's what it's about."
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I've done funeral honors… where sailors have committed suicide, and it's hard to see. And you wonder why. There's one particular sailor that did 20 years and retired., I think that he had that gap and couldn't fill it anymore because he was done with the military. He had a great career, and I just don't know what happened there and didn't understand it. It was very confusing, although you're just there to do the ceremony and leave, but you kind of take that with you and it kind of teaches you what not to do.
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Being strong in faith helps that. And being a believer and then having small groups, a confidant or a mentor to talk to helps out. Having a spouse and family members that are counting on you, that's what keeps me grounded. I'm not going to say I'm 100% from the stuff that I've seen and done, and not necessarily done, but what I've seen, but there's some things there. And, you know, I do things like gardening. Mix it up.

Steve Cline

U.S. Army Master Sergeant (ret)

Steve Cline

I use this example when talking about trauma. … Everyone has trauma, but not everyone is traumatized. The example would be if you and I were in a car together, and let's say you have more coping skills, you have better resiliency, you are able to arrive at a conclusion of you're going to be okay. If you're in an accident, you step out of the car, you assess yourself, you assess the situation, and you're like, Well, that really stinks. But you know what? I'm okay, and I'm going to be okay. Because I don't have your coping skills, I don't have your resiliency, my brain never rests, and my brain never comes to the conclusion, that I'm okay. It never comes to that conclusion that I'm going to be okay. And because my brain loves to put things together and make sense of things, it will continue to operate behind the scenes And then will say, Hey, Steve, when are you going to deal with this?
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And so an intrusive thought comes in. A nightmare happens. Maybe I can't get into that car. Maybe I can't get to that intersection. So, my past is now messing with my present, which is going to screw up my future if I don't deal with that.
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The definition of post-traumatic stress would be stress that's happening after the event. I won't use the word D because it's not a disorder. It's stress that still has not been resolved. And so with a brain loving to make sense of things, we'll basically bring back things to our awareness through a sight, through a sound, through a smell, through a sensation, to help us. It feels very, very scary.

Matthew Pedone

U.S. Army E5 Sergeant (ret)

Matthew Pedone

It's less, what do they call it, less stigma, less taboo or whatever, to be seeing therapists now. I even married one, and even when I was dating her, I never thought the guys in the military should go through therapy. She's a therapist, and I'm saying, ‘Oh, yeah, I don't need therapy.’ It doesn't really make a lot of sense, but that's just because I didn't want it. I was afraid of, like I said, the stigma of going to see therapists while you're in, even if it's going to help you.
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I've lost a couple of guys due to suicide, and I wish we could have, I would have, known that they were actually struggling, but sometimes you just don't see it. And that's been the hardest thing. Some days they just have a bad day and let the demons get in. And the day before, they could have been the happiest person in the world. And it's hard to come to grips with and try to see what that is. But so anybody that struggles, I'm like, Dude, you do therapy. Go see therapy. The VA does it for free. You don't even have to pay. And they do it virtually now? Come on. There's no reason for you to not to get therapy.

John Rowley

Former U.S. Army Specialist Four

John Rowley

Transitioning out of the military was very difficult. I got out, did the very stereotypical soldier thing, and I got divorced, got a motorcycle, got in a motorcycle club. I saw a lot of my friends struggling with alcohol, and they were, a lot of them, were ruining their lives. A lot of them were committing suicide. And one thing that they had in common was drinking a lot.
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And I was like, I'm not gonna be a statistic. So, I quit drinking for a long time, and I found other very unhealthy ways to cope with my anger … I didn't know if I was gonna make it through that part. At one point I was driving my motorcycle, and I was just, everything in my life was going bad. I just lost my job. I was going through a divorce… And I'm just like, I was riding my motorcycle, and I was like, there's a tractor trailer coming at me. And I was just like, it'd be so much easier if I just drove in front of this tractor trailer. And then I stopped, and I was just like, I can't. I can't do that. I got two kids. Immediately, I drove to the VA enduro and talked to somebody.
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Nobody helped me. But making that decision, to me, just kind of like, it put me on the path to let me not be another statistic. Let me be a statistic in the good areas and not be a statistic in the bad areas.

Jason Dunham

U.S. Marine Master Sergeant (ret)

Jason Dunham

Coming from the culture that I thrived in, we live on an honor and shame society. The Marine Corps is not a place for weakness. We don't admit our shortcomings, even if we are carrying post-traumatic stress. I didn't want none of my Marines to see me as weak. I didn't want my wife to see me as weak. We put that stress into a place in the back of our mind, and we try our best to store it there. That's the best way I could describe it. Eventually, the stress of life will catch up, and you find small things that'll end up triggering you along the way. I was real temperamental at times. There's times I know I couldn't be talked to. There's times I wanted to listen, but somewhere in the back of my mind is this arrogant Marine. We've always said, you got to Marine up, buddy. We got things to do, and we ain't got time for the whining. We've always said, if you got an issue, you go ahead and bring your tissues.
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So I made a deal with the devil, you could say. I remember selecting my own site where I was going to literally hang myself. I had instructions written up where my father could find my body so my wife didn't have deal with that. I literally set a date. I want to say it was April 15th of 2014. It's tax day, so everything lined up towards that moment, and that moment never arrived.

Trey Grissom

USMC Captain (ret)

Trey Grissom

(On leaving the military): For me, it was almost like moving from one job to the next, only because I did have love around me. I had folks that supported me, not only still in uniform, but my family. A lot of guys don't always have that. They may be going back to just them or maybe them and a spouse or a fiancé and starting over again. It can be tough sometimes for those that feel like they've lost their purpose.
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(Post traumatic stress is) not always combat-related. It could be personal relationships in their family. It could be they're in a new city by themselves; they're with a new unit by themselves. Maybe they're having a hard time fitting in. A little socially awkward…. Then it's just a snowball effect.. If they want the help, they'll find it. If they don't and they go into isolation mode or go internal, as we'd say, or cocooning, you can't always help those guys. It's tough.

Jeremy Johnson

Former U.S. Army Reserve (ret)

Jeremy Johnson

So coming back to civilian life, I waited quite a long time to the tune of about almost twelve years. Most veterans don't ask for help. … We’re not really built to ask for help. You kind of got to hit your own personal rock bottom. And that's what I did. And I just decided, you know, if I wanted to keep my family, if I wanted to keep a job, and if I wanted to, you know, be a productive member of society, then I needed to seek some help and that's what I did.
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My rock bottom was the bottom of a bottle. A lot of people didn't know that I was an alcoholic. They did not know I could function very well. I was a very successful worker. I went to my job every day, never missed a day of work. But alcohol was my demon....
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And I just put off (getting help) through the years, you know, just basically lying to myself and lying to (the counselor). And it wasn't, it wasn't till about 2016 when I hit my rock bottom. And that was like I said in the bottom of a bottle and I just decided that it was time to get help, and I reached out to (the counselor).

Gordon Deans

Former U.S. Army Staff Sergeant

Gordon Deans

Now, I got to a point when I came home, no tank between sergeant jobs in The News and Observer, at least not in the Triangle. And I had a company for a little while, but once I finally got in this chair, I couldn't respond to different things. It was about computers, mostly. So, it took a while for me to find something that I thought was worth doing. You don't have a lot of relevance when you come out like you do when you're in. You're just one of the masses, and that's hard. And the longer you were in, the harder that is as a transition, which is where most of the danger comes from. Things like suicide, not everybody transitions well. …
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When you're in, if you have a problem, you have a first sergeant, platoon sergeant, sergeant major, somebody in that chain knows how to help, and they will not just tell you about it. They're going to grab you by the collar and get it fixed now so it doesn't drag out, … because we want those minds focused on the job at hand. Out here, something goes wrong and you don't really have a network. What do you do now?